On Men Who Aren't Afraid of Money

Apr 11

Lifestyle as Strategy Series

Opening: The Text I Almost Didn't Send

I was lying in bed at the crack of day, phone glowing in the dark, cursor blinking in the message draft.

The words felt too honest. Too revealing. The kind of observation that makes you vulnerable because it shows what you admire—and admiration is always a confession of what you want to become.

But I sent it anyway:

"One thing I admire about you as a man is that with money, you're not scared. Not scared of spending it, of losing it, of investing it—because you know you'll always make more. And if you want more, you just... do it. I think it's a very honourable quality."

His response was characteristically brief: "It's just money. You make more. You will always make more. I have won, and I have lost."

That sentence has lived in my head for hours. This is why I am writing this

Not because it's profound in the way spiritual quotes are profound. But because it's profound in its simplicity. It's lack of drama. Its complete absence of the anxiety that most of us, especially women, especially first-generation wealth builders, especially people who grew up watching parents stress over bills, carry around money like a chronic condition.

To him, money is a renewable resource. To most of us, it's a limited supply we're terrified to deplete.

And the difference between those two mindsets? That's the difference between people who build empires and people who manage scarcity.

This is about what I've learned from watching someone move through the world unafraid of money. About what that fearlessness actually looks like in practice. And about what it teaches us—women building businesses, wealth, legacies—about our own relationship with the resource we claim to want but secretly fear.

I. What Fearlessness With Money Actually Looks Like

It's Not Recklessness. It's Confidence in Regeneration.

Let me be clear about what I'm describing, because there's a version of "not afraid of money" that's just irresponsible.

The trust fund kid who burns through inheritance because "there's always more" isn't fearless. He's careless. There's a difference.

What I'm talking about is something else entirely:

A man who spends money on what matters: meals with people he loves, experiences that create memories, investments in his growth, tools that make his work better—without agonising over every transaction.

A man who can lose money on a deal and not spiral into scarcity thinking, because he knows the loss is temporary and the learning is permanent.

A man who invests in himself, his business, his future without needing absolute certainty that it will pay off—because he trusts that even if this specific investment doesn't return, his ability to generate wealth will.

The underlying belief: "Money is something I create, not something I hoard."

And watching this in action does something to you. Especially if you grew up with a different model.

II. The Scarcity I Inherited

What I Learned About Money From Watching My Parents

I grew up watching my parents stress about money in ways that etched themselves into my nervous system.

Not because we were poor. We weren't. But because the money we had felt precarious. Hard-won. Easily lost. Something to protect, not deploy.

The lessons I absorbed without anyone teaching them explicitly:

Lesson 1: Money is finite.

If you spend it, it's gone. Save it. Protect it. Don't waste it on anything frivolous.

Lesson 2: Losing money is catastrophic.

A bad investment, a failed business, an expense that doesn't pay off—these are disasters to be avoided at all costs.

Lesson 3: Wanting more is greedy.

Be grateful for what you have. Don't be too ambitious. Don't reach too far. Pride comes before the fall.

Lesson 4: Money is something you're lucky to have, not something you generate.

You work hard, you get paid, you save it. Wealth is accumulated through discipline and luck, not created through vision and execution.

These lessons made sense for my parents. They were surviving, establishing, and building from nothing. Scarcity thinking kept them safe.

But these lessons were killing my business.

Because I was applying survival strategies to a context that required abundance thinking.

III. How Scarcity Thinking Sabotaged My Business

The Expensive Cost of Trying to Avoid Costs

Let me show you how scarcity mindset actually played out in B0LD's early days:

Sabotage #1: Underpricing

I charged $1,500/month when my work was worth $5,000/month—because I was afraid if I charged more, no one would hire me.

The scarcity logic: "Better to have some money than risk having none by pricing too high."

The reality: I was working 60 hours/week, barely covering expenses, attracting clients who didn't value the work because the pricing signalled it wasn't valuable.

The cost: Two years of burnout and $150,000+ in lost revenue.

Sabotage #2: Not Investing in Growth

I needed a designer. A VA. Better tools. But I was terrified to spend money on "overhead" before I was "more established."

The scarcity logic: "I can't afford to invest until I make more money."

The reality: I couldn't make more money because I was doing everything myself, poorly, slowly, whilst more expensive agencies with teams were outpacing me.

The cost: 18 months of doing $2,000 worth of work for $10,000 worth of output because I was the bottleneck.

Sabotage #3: Avoiding "Risky" Opportunities

I was offered a speaking slot at a conference that would have cost $3,000 to attend (travel, accommodation, fee).

I declined because "I can't afford it" and "what if I don't get clients from it?"

The scarcity logic: "This might not pay off directly, so it's too risky."

The reality: That conference would have connected me to three clients worth $60,000 total and positioned me as a thought leader in my niche.

The cost: $60,000+ in lost revenue and 12 months of positioning momentum.

The pattern: Every time I acted from scarcity—undercharging, avoiding investment, declining opportunities—I made decisions that kept me small.**

Not safe. Small.

Because safety and scarcity aren't the same thing. Scarcity thinking doesn't protect you. It just ensures you never grow beyond your current capacity.

IV. What Abundance Thinking Actually Looks Like in Practice

The Shifts That Changed Everything

Watching someone operate from abundance—truly operate from it, not just Instagram-caption it—showed me what I needed to shift.

Shift #1: From "I Can't Afford It" to "How Can I Afford It?"

Scarcity question: "Can I afford to hire a designer at $3,000/month?"
(Answer: No, so I don't hire anyone and stay stuck)

Abundance question: "What would need to be true for me to afford a designer at $3,000/month?"
(Answer: I'd need one more client. How do I get one more client? Oh, I pitch three prospects I've been putting off. I land two. Now I can afford it.)

The shift: From closed question (yes/no) to open question (how).

The result: I hired the designer. My client work improved. I raised my rates. I got more clients. The designer paid for herself 3x over.

Shift #2: From "What If I Lose It?" to "What If I Gain From It?"

Scarcity lens: Every investment is viewed through potential loss.

"What if I spend $5,000 on this course and don't get ROI?"
"What if I invest in this rebrand and clients don't respond?"
"What if I pay for this conference and get nothing?"

Abundance lens: Every investment is viewed through potential gain.

"What if this course gives me one insight that 10x's my business?"
"What if this rebrand attracts the exact clients I've been trying to reach?"
"What if this conference connects me to my future business partner?"

The shift: Same investment. Different lens. Different decision.

The result: I started investing in growth instead of protecting assets. And the growth compounded faster than I could have saved my way to.

Shift #3: From "Money Is Scarce" to "My Ability to Generate Is Infinite"

This is the big one. The one that changes everything.

Scarcity belief: Money is a limited resource I must protect.

Abundance belief: Money is a renewable resource I can create infinitely through my skills, positioning, and execution.

Example:

I spent $10,000 on a rebrand early in B0LD's life. It was terrifying. It was most of what I had in the business account.

Scarcity voice: "What if this doesn't work? You'll have wasted $10,000 you can't afford to lose."

Abundance voice: "Even if this specific rebrand doesn't directly pay off, the skills I'm developing, the clarity I'm gaining, and the confidence I'm building will generate $100,000+ over the next year."

What actually happened: The rebrand positioned me as premium. I doubled my rates immediately. Landed three clients in two months at the new rate. Made $45,000 in 60 days.

The ROI: 4.5x in eight weeks.

But here's the crucial part: Even if it hadn't paid off that specifically, I would have still been fine. Because my ability to generate revenue didn't depend on that one investment succeeding. It depended on my skills, my positioning, my ability to execute.

Money comes and goes. Your ability to generate it is what actually matters.

V. The Masculine-Feminine Difference

Why This Mindset Seems to Come More Naturally to Men

Here's the uncomfortable observation: The abundance mindset around money seems more common in men than women.

Not all men. Not all women. But enough of a pattern that it's worth examining.

Why might this be?

Boys are raised to take risks. Fall off bikes, try the dangerous jump, push boundaries.

Girls are raised to be careful. Stay safe, don't take unnecessary risks, protect yourself.

Business application: Men are more comfortable with financial risk because they've been trained to tolerate risk generally. Women are more cautious with investment because we've been trained to prioritise safety.

Men are raised with the expectation that they'll provide. That they'll generate wealth. That their value is tied to their earning capacity.

Women are raised with more complex messaging: Be successful, but not too successful. Earn money, but don't be materialistic. Build wealth, but don't be greedy.

Business application: Men feel entitled to pursue wealth aggressively. Women feel like we need to justify wanting money or temper our ambition with humility.

When men fail financially, the narrative is: "He took a swing. He'll bounce back. That's business."

When women fail financially, the narrative is: "See? She should have been more careful. Women and money..."

Business application: Men are more willing to risk loss because failure is normalised. Women are more risk-averse because we carry the weight of proving we're competent.

These aren't excuses. They're explanations.

Understanding why we carry scarcity thinking doesn't mean we're stuck with it. It means we can consciously choose to adopt abundance thinking despite our conditioning.

VI. What I'm Learning to Practice

The Active Work of Abundance Thinking

Abundance mindset isn't something you achieve once. It's something you practice daily, especially when scarcity whispers.

Practice #1: Reframe the Question

Every time I think "I can't afford this," I pause and ask: "What would need to be true for me to afford this?"

Then I strategise how to make that true.

Practice #2: Invest in Discomfort

Once per quarter, I make an investment that scares me a little.

A course that's more than I think I should spend. A hire that feels premature. A tool that seems excessive.

Not recklessly. But intentionally pushing my comfort zone around deploying capital.

Because comfort with investment comes from practice, not from having "enough."

Practice #3: Track Generation, Not Just Protection

I used to obsess over my expenses. How much I was spending. What I could cut.

Now I track: How much am I generating? What investments are paying off? Where is money multiplying?

Shift from an accountant mindset (protect what you have) to an investor mindset (grow what you deploy).

Practice #4: Celebrate Losses as Learning

When an investment doesn't pay off—a course that wasn't valuable, a tool I don't use, a strategy that failed—I don't spiral into "I wasted money."

I ask: "What did I learn? What won't I do again? How does this inform future decisions?"

Loss is tuition in the school of business building.

Practice #5: Surround Myself With Abundance Thinkers

This is crucial. Scarcity is contagious. So is abundance.

Spending time with people who think small keeps you small. Spending time with people who think big—who invest, who risk, who generate—expands what you believe is possible.

Him ? He's abundance-thinking personified. And proximity to that mindset is changing mine.

VII. The Invitation

What This Means for Female Founders Building

If you're building a business, creating wealth, positioning yourself as an authority—

Your relationship with money will determine your ceiling.

Not your skills. Not your strategy. Not your market.

Your willingness to deploy capital, take risks, invest in growth, and trust your ability to generate will determine how far you go.

And if you're like me—raised with scarcity, conditioned to protect, taught that wanting more is somehow greedy—this isn't easy.

But it's learnable.

You can watch people who move through money fearlessly and study their mindset.

You can practice making one abundance-based decision per month until it becomes your default.

You can surround yourself with people who believe money is renewable, who invest in themselves, who understand that wealth is generated through vision and execution—not hoarded through fear.

You can choose abundance.

Even—especially—when your conditioning screams scarcity.

The Truth About Fearlessness

Here's what I've come to understand:

That man I admire isn't "not afraid" because he's reckless or foolish or doesn't understand risk.

He's not afraid because he's confident in his ability to generate.

He knows that if he spends money on an experience and it doesn't directly pay off, he can earn more. If he invests in a venture and it fails, he can build another one. If he loses money, he can make it back.

The money isn't the asset. His capacity to generate is the asset.

And that confidence—that bone-deep certainty that wealth is something you create, not something you're lucky to have—changes everything.

How you price. How you invest. How you build. How you show up.

It's the difference between playing not to lose and playing to win.

And for those of us learning to shift from scarcity to abundance?

It's the most honourable work we can do.

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Aja Marie Horváth